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I <3 short shorts

Not on girls.... or even other guys.

I like to wear them. They're just so comfortable it's sick. Think about the best breeze you've ever felt times a million. It feels like like someone with a breathmint is yelling at my groin. - Aug 28, 2006


Sorry about the lack of posts. (who the hell am I apologizing to? I'm not sure. The server?) I've been busy with work, life, and revamping the Movabletype system. Posts for the next few months will be sparse - Aug 28, 2006

Guilty pleasure

I have something to admit. When I get bored I fire up a web-browser, type in "science fair" in Google's image search, and laugh my head off. Yeah I know it's messed up and that my 7th grade science fair project involving nails in salt water wasn't any better. But com'on!! This is funny stuff.

POP THAT CORN!!! That's my new catchphrase, btw, but you can use it too. Anyways, here's what I noticed after doing this for a while. About, hmm... let's say, two thirds of the projects out there involve potted plants or some sort of food item. And one hundred percent of these projects seem to be more focused on construction paper technique than the scientific method. Meanwhile while kids in China and India are learning to code in C++, we've got Billy over here making poster boards entitled WILL CORNSTARCH MAKE A DIFFERENCE? Sorry Billy, your parents are still are still first cousins. - Aug 7, 2006

Ex-boyfriends in Heaven

by Gwen Hart from Lost and Found
Ex-boyfriends never go to hell,
no matter how many times
you suggest it. No, they ascend straight
to heaven, where they speak French,
wear matching socks, and always,
always arrive on time, with a full
tank of gas and a bottle of wine.
They never curse your cat
or your mother, never call you up
drunk doing Arnold Schwarzenegger
impressions, never say Hey Rita
if your name is Tammy,
never say Hey Tammy
if your name is Joan.
They're better trained than dogs
and they smell better, too, better
than Twinkies or camellias, better
than anything on earth. Once
in a while, they take a holiday,
drive their Porsches down
through the clouds
in one long line and ring
the doorbell in your dreams,
offering tender apologies, tender
chicken cutlets, tender love.
But before you take one sack
of groceries, before your lips
graze a clean-shaven jaw,
before you let one polished
Oxford loafer through your door,
remember that as soon as they cross
the threshold, the truth will slip
in behind them: ex-boyfriends only
exist this way in heaven, or
whatever you want to call it,
their new lives without you.
- Aug 4, 2006

What I'd say to the Martians

an excerpt from Jack Handey's New Yorker vignette:
We are a warlike species, you claim, and you show me films of Earth battles to prove it. But I have seen all the films about twenty times. Get some new films, or, so help me, if I ever get out of here I will empty my laser pistol into everyone I see, even pets.
Read the entire thing here. - Aug 3, 2006

Colbert versus Wikipedia

First this. Now this.

Odd, I had a similar conversation with Sherman over the weekend. Sites like Wikipedia operate on the notion that through constant revisions, the truth will emerge and errors will eventually be corrected. However, this assumes that the population, as collective, is intelligent.

I don't believe this to be true. Important decisions, such as determining facts, should be left to qualified individuals. Even in our own government, we don't use a true democratic system; we have mixed elements of a republic and meritocracy. We defer our vote to representatives to make decisions for us. Because, quite frankly, how well informed are you and I about every aspect and nuance of running the largest economic and military force on the face of this world? Yeah, not so much.

Anyways, Colbert makes his point and makes it well. Sure Wikipedia is great and can quickly amass and revise a great body of knowledge. However, we shouldn't rely on it as fact. I leave you with this quote by Robert A. Heinlein: "Democracy can't work. Mathematicians, peasants, and animals, that's all there is - so democracy, a theory based on the assumption that mathematicians and peasants are equal, can never work. Wisdom is not additive; its maximum is that of the wisest man in a given group." (quote via Wikipedia) - Aug 2, 2006

"and that's how you were made"

...said Robocop's mom.

[via] - Aug 1, 2006

Nike Jock

As part of its skateboard culture marketing campaign, Nike comes up with some self-satirical branding.
Clever ploy to market at skate brats? Or sad attempt at counter culture? For a company that spends 1.7 billion dollars a year on preserving its name, I think it's a pretty weak attempt. - Jul 28, 2006

iPods make crappy gifts

We love the iPod… wait, we hate Apple. Lemme just start off by saying I've never owned an Apple computer, but I've owned their company stock and have bought a couple of iPods. They're a great product, however, THEY MAKE HORRIBLE GIFTS!!

Case in point. Alice got a 30GB iPod Video from her family for her birthday. Pretty sweet huh? However she felt as if the iPod nano was more suited towards her use. I go to the local Best Buy, because they have a pretty relaxed policy, to see if I can do an exchange, and the customer service rep says that Apple has a specific inventory tracking system and they can't take iPods back that weren't purchased at the store. The CSR then suggest that I head to the Apple store at South Cost Plaza.

15 miles later, I'm at the Apple store explaining the situation. The "Genius" explains that they're not allowed to take back inventory that wasn't purchased from the store because it affects sales at the store. And that I have to go back to Costco, where the iPod was originally purchased, to return it. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "Dude, aren't you guys the manufacturer? I'm pretty sure that exchanging inventory has no effect on your bottom line."

4 miles later, I'm at the nearby Costco explaining the situation. The lady there was really helpful and said that I could exchange the item…. if I was a Costco member. I'm not. She then offers up the option of crediting back the original Credit Card that purchased the iPod, which would be useful in most situations, just not this one.

4 miles later, I'm back at the Apple store explaining the situation again, this time to a manager. The manager reluctantly agrees to do the exchange. I go grab some accessories that I believe amount to the difference in the value of the two iPods ($50) and take it to a CSR. The transaction gets processed and it turns out they owe me $1.00 plus tax. The manager comes by and tells me that he won't give me a dollar and that I have to spend something in order for him to authorize the transaction. "FINE!" I repick some other accessories and the CSR rings up my credit card for four dollars. But as he started packing everything up, he packs the nano, the accessories, and accidentally includes the iPod video that I was trying to return.

"Dude guys, get with the program!" - Jul 26, 2006

Things I watch: Arrested Development

Okay, if you didn't know, this is how I watch television: 1. Don't watch TV; 2. Wait till something catches my eye; 3. Play catch up by watching unhealthy portions of it; 4. Tell all my friends and they're all like "yeah, we know… get with it"

Yet the real benefit in watching television with this method is that there's no waiting to see what happens next. Instant gratification. As a viewer you can see how plots develop as a whole and critique seasons as a whole, instead of stewing about how poor/great an episode was.

My latest addiction is the highly acclaimed, yet unfortunately cancelled, cinéma vérité sitcom, Arrested Development. AD is was simply one of those rare gems that had so much talent and culture behind it, that it seems a bit daunting to watch. Jokes are often reoccurring, so picking up the show in the middle isn't recommended. Like with most things I enjoy, chances are that this isn't for everyone. Just the ones that shower. - Jul 19, 2006

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"Itís like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."

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